glory days and cheap words and baked goods

so, you know it's been too long since you've updated your blog when you have to try 3 different passwords before you are able to log in. 

i wish that i could say great and wonderful things have happened since i last wrote here. nothing much has happened though. although...in my favorite book, the perks of being a wallflower, there is part where charlie is talking about the football players at his high school and how these are their "glory days" that they will tell their children about someday. and he says "maybe these are my glory days too and i'm not even realizing it because they don't involve a ball". all i guess i'm saying is that while nothing particularly adventurous is happening in my life, it's a good life nonetheless and maybe when i'm old i will tell my children how we went to look at christmas lights and laughed together. or how i had a group of people that i love so much that once a week we could spend almost an entire sunday together and still just sit around and talk and laugh until all hours of the night. and how we experienced real laughter and real tears and real anger together and it made us better people together. because these things really are important to me. i wouldnt trade them for "excitement". maybe these are my glory days and i'm not even realizing it...

i feel like the year 2009's lesson for me was about friendship. about what it really is. and how words are really cheap. you can SAY nice things to people. you can compliment them, call them nice things, tell them you miss or love them, but if you're actions don't reflect all of those sentiments, they're really meaningless words. several situations i've encountered in the past year have really driven this home for me. 

today i am going to be baking muffins and cherry cream cheese danishes. i have never made a danish before in my life, so we'll see. i've eaten plenty so at least i know what it *should* taste like. 

Pet Peeves

i have discovered that i am easily annoyed. this is troublesome because i never thought of myself as easily annoyed. but i think i am. i decided this when i was driving home from work today and i was listing my "pet peeves" in my head. not really sure what got me thinking about them, but i was and the list was getting long. they are as follows:

1. same side of the booth couples. most of you that know me know what i mean by this and how i feel about it. but for others that might decide to read this, i'll explain. same side of the booth couples are those obnoxious couples who cannot stop touching each other for more than 3 seconds. they sit on the same side of the booth in restaurants, not because they are waiting for another person to come sit opposite them. no, they do it because they HAVE to be touching each other constantly. it is my biggest annoyance. 

2. bluetooth. i dont really have a convincing argument here, i just dont like it. i dont like people walking around everywhere with their little bluetooth thingies in their ears. annoying.

3. the word "crevice". it just sounds disgusting. 

4. heelys. you know...the shoes with wheels in them. this is when i become 90 years old and go "damn kids these days!". i dont mind them outside...on sidewalks...but if i am at target trying to pick a shampoo scent, and your kid comes flying by on his/her heelys and runs into me....i'm anti child abuse but i WILL rip those shoes right off their little feet and force feed them to YOU for allowing them to wear those horrible things inside the store. 

5. people who quote themselves on their favorite quotes on facebook, or worse, in their statuses. i feel like this deserves some explanation. if i have ever been quoting something funny or profound and it was a conversation in which i participated, but someone else provided the "punchline", for lack of a better word, then fine. no big. but i really dislike the people who quote themselves saying something just so darn funny. its really arrogant sounding. glad you think you're funny...i dont. 

6. the word "besties". sick. if i have to hear "so me and my bestie were out last night..." one more time, i might kick the speaker in the shins. its like, someone decided that they desperately wanted to create some new fad/slang because they just got done watching clueless and thought they'd be the next cher...well "as if!". just shut up. you can say "my best friend and i" or heck, USE your friends NAME. that works too.

7. slightly related to #6...couples who seem to have forgotten their boyfriend/girlfriend/spouses name. by this i mean, the couples who will always say "my husband loves football", rather than "fred loves football" when i know fred and i know that they are married. its like you just desperately want to bring up the fact that you are married, yet again. if you are married and speaking to someone who does not know you/your spouse/his or her name, perfectly fine exception. i feel the same way about pet names. "sugar", "sweetie", "honey", "baby". ok yeah, you love each other and thats adorable. and the occasional pet name in public is fine. but i have known couples where i would be willing to bet i have never actually heard them say each others names. oh my gosh so annoying.

ok well that's my cynical rant for the day. the things that annoy me. glad to vent about some of that. if you fall into any of these categories and i have offended you....sorry....

check one: yes or no

so i've kind of given up my job search. partially because i am frustrated. i keep applying for various jobs in various places and i keep getting "thank you for your interest! the position has been filled..." emails. and they've started to make me cry. (i know, i know...everything makes me cry.) i guess i've been telling myself that i've given up also partially because i'm being open to the idea that there's a reason i'm supposed to be working here and that if he wants, God will clue me in eventually. 

i've been struggling with some personal decisions lately. i had an opportunity to be upset with my sister again via myspace a couple of weeks ago, but i chose to laugh at it and not let it get to me. good decision. difficult, but good. i've been trying very hard to have a good attitude about some of the things that people do that hurt me. i've been trying very hard to laugh at the ones that are basically silly. and i've been trying to just smile and not let the actually upsetting ones get to me. the latter has been more difficult. but i've been successful a handful of times. so...way to go, me!

a good friend said recently that "20-something" people are really bad about not keeping their word. that this particular age group has somewhere along the way learned that its ok to say one thing and then to back out at the last minute. that as long as you provide an excuse of some sort, your commitments are not obligations. i'm not trying to sound arrogant...but i think i'm pretty good at keeping my word. or at least, i've gotten better in the recent past. and i think i've noticed this because it has started to really bother me when i see people doing it. let your yes be yes and your no be no. do what you say you will do. dont promise to do something you arent sure you can do. make your words and your actions consistent with one another. be honest so you dont have to keep up with lies. everyone will benefit. 

in other news, i made a cake in the shape of a fedora. it was fun. 

i hope they're happy

i have been decorating cakes all weekend. if you look at my facebook or myspace, i have posted pictures. 

last night i went to see "funny people" with kara, chelsie, and kate. i saw this couple in line and i think they were on a kind of "friend date". because the girl walked up to the window and said "two for funny people, please" and started opening her wallet. at this, the guy goes "no! no no no!" and started playfully swatting at her hand making her close her wallet so that he could pay for the tickets. it was pretty cute. i hope it works out, i got a good vibe from them. 

i went to walmart today. i needed to buy batteries. i got other things as well, but i mostly went for the batteries. i was walking around and just noticing people. very few people had smiles on their faces. almost everyone looked like they were there, but they werent really there. this man and i almost ran into each other with our carts and he looked at me and sort of smiled and said "excuse me", but even though he smiled, his eyes looked sad. i dont know why he was sad. i wish i could have asked him and had it be okay. i wonder if he needed someone to ask him. i didnt have anything else to do, so i had time to spare. i'm afraid he would've been mad if i did though. it was all very unsettling. i hope whatever was making him sad was temporary. 

as i was leaving, i got in my car and started driving along the front outside the store. you know, where everyone has to cross to get in or out of the front doors. and i was slowly making my way past the people. i saw a lady about to cross and i began slowing down to stop so she could go and as she stepped out in front of me, she turned and gave me this "you better f****** stop i'm in the crosswalk area" look. even though i had intended to stop, and was in the process of stopping for her. it made me sad for her. she (and i, and alot of people i'm sure) are programmed to think that everyone is only out for themselves and so if she doesnt glare at me, i wont stop for her outside of walmart. people in general have such a track record for being assholes, that we just assume everyone is until they prove to us otherwise. i hope someone does something nice for her. i hope she can go home and her husband or friend or someone will help her remember that people can really be good. that people can have good intentions. 

none of this really makes sense. i just hope that all of the people at walmart today are happy and that they went home to people that love them and that when someone makes promises to them, that they keep them and that they can trust people. 

its really quiet tonight. i cant decide what movie to watch so i didnt put in one at all and all i can hear is my dog chewing his squeaky toy and my air conditioner running. 

withdrawals

ok so i am a people watcher. i'm pretty sure this makes me creepy. whenever i go places, i usually find a person or group of people who are in some way mysterious or intriguing or funny and i will watch them as if they are a sitcom. 

one time at a mavs game with ryan, we found a couple. they looked as though they were on a date. the guy was a white guy who was trying desperately to be "gangsta" and the girl was drunk. we named him "skeeter". she was just "skeeter's girlfriend". he was obviously much less into this date than she was because she was all over him and he was leaning so far away from her he might as well have been sitting in the lap of the person across the aisle. i could see skeeter's irritation growing as steadily as her beer was disappearing. the rate at which her volume and excitement grew was also probably consistent with the disappearing beer. now, at mavs games they often have these posterish things sitting in the seats when you get there. you can fold them back and forth like a fan and then when you shake it, it will make a clapping noise. throughout the game skeeter's girlfriend had been utilizing her fan clapper thingy to it's fullest capabilities. (also to skeeter's dismay). as the game and her beer were both nearing their ends, the mavs were pulling ahead and skeeter's girlfriend was all kinds of excited. if looks could kill, the thing that happened next would have ended with skeeter murdering his girlfriend.  the mavs scored again and skeeter's girlfriend is beside herself with joy. she takes her clappy thingy and starts smacking skeeter upside the head with it. he looked as though he regretted being born at that moment. he could not have been more pissed. looks like he'll think twice before bringing another girl to a mavs game. 

the reason i thought of this so much later and decided to write about it here is because i havent experienced any exceptionally interesting people watching opportunities lately. and seeing as how it is one of my favorite activities, i'm sad that it hasnt been happening. i wonder, are people getting more boring, or have my standards for what makes a good people watching story gotten too high? have experiences like watching skeeter be beaten by a folded up cardboard picture of dirk nowitzki courtesy of his drunk date made me not appreciate every day people watching anymore? is it like drugs or alcoholism where after a while, what you're doing isnt enough and you need more to achieve the same effect? my addiction is at least mostly harmless. but i'm still going through withdrawal. 

leading up to something

i just finished reading "through painted deserts" by donald miller. i would have finished it about 15 minutes ago, but in the last chapter, i read this:

"you feel like life is always leading up to something, but it isnt. i mean life is just life." 

i stared at those two sentences for about 10 minutes. i couldnt keep going i was just hit by a ton of bricks. 

i would like to be done seeing life as milestones to be passed. as goals to be accomplished. as some linear puzzle to work my way through. to be done thinking that the next thing to achieve is a new job and that i cant move on with life until i find one. life is just life. i would like to just live it. regardless. 

i had lunch with anne today and she was telling me about her cousin who hates when people introduce themselves by stating their name and then promptly following it with their job title. because thats not who you are. i am not taylor price, infant teacher at a daycare that likes to pretend it's a preschool.  my job doesnt matter one bit. (thank God) what does matter is that i am living. that i am loving. that i'm being as God wants me to be. 

thanks don miller, for smacking me across the face with a realization that feels like something i've known all along, but just forgot i knew. 

june cleaver

today i was a responsible adult. most days, i get up at the crack, go to work, come home and by 1:30, i'm out cold taking a 3 hour (ish) nap. then i get up, grab something quick/easy for dinner, and then go to arlington (for any number of the various things i do during the week with everyone down there). and then, by 11:30 or so, i have to try to force myself to sleep which i can't do because of aforementioned nap. so i finally get to sleep around 12:30 or 1:00, and then when the alarm goes off at 5:30 the first word out of my mouth is usually an expletive expressing my distain for 1) lack of sleep 2) beating the sun up 3) having to go to my job. 

but today....i worked a full 8 hours (a rare occurance these days) and when i came home, i did not take a nap. i vacuumed. i did dishes and 3 loads of laundry. i dusted furniture and cleaned out my hall closet. then i cooked dinner! i havent cooked an actual meal for dinner in ages. it's difficult to get the motivation to do so when living alone. i made cajun chicken pasta and it was delicious! i was proud of myself. perhaps i could not only become a baker, but an entire chef!  and while i am laying here on my bed, blogging about nothing important whatsoever, it occurs to me that i will probably be asleep by 10:00 tonight. sounds glorious! 

i was telling a few friends sunday morning that while i have not passed certain milestones in life, as they have (i.e. engagement, marriage, children) i often feel older than i think i should. i am only 24 years old. but my mind feels older sometimes. i cannot really explain why. maybe because i have not come to those milestones, my mind is not forced to focus any specific thing on a regular basis. i think about others alot, dont get me wrong...but there's no husband to have to be concerned about, no kids of my own to take care of, etc...so my mind works harder than it would otherwise on overthinking. i'm reading jonny's copy of "through painted deserts" right now and don miller talks alot about "how" and "why" questions. maybe because i'm on my own, once i've figured out the "how" questions that pertain to me at the time, and i don't have to worry about anyone else's "how" questions, i get to the "why" questions more frequently. i am not saying that i am some enormously deep thinker...please don't hear arrogance in this...it's just that i've got nothing else to do except think most of the time. that and talk to my dog. i mean....no i don't talk to my dog that's crazy! anyway... i don't know if thats why i feel older than i am or not. 

regardless, the reason i bring this up is that today, i did more "old" things. but i didnt particularly feel old. it actually felt good. to take care of myself, of my apartment, to put effort into creating a meal...felt like a regular june cleaver! 

i just hope i can have the motivation to do these things more often. it really is difficult (for me at least) to care about those things when it's just me. again, please dont take this the wrong way. this is not meant to be a "boo hoo i'm single poor me" post. i like living alone. A LOT. in fact, i quite hate roommates. (not the people i've roomed with, but the idea of sharing my space i suppose) if i ever DO get married, having to live with someone will be under the "con" side of the list. but i'm just rambling here about my day and the things my somewhat old brain has been pondering.

i do however think that an upside to eventually getting married will be having someone there to kill cockroaches because i just can't do it....